Zombie Fights
Season 1, Episode 5
First Aired September 26, 2011
Director Drew Daywalt
Teleplay Matt Lawton
Episode Guide
"Two Girls, One Cop"
"Hottest Day of the Year"

John-John discovers that a family member is a zombie. Meanwhile, Kirsten joins Carla on a zombie kill, and Billy and Stubeck find that the vamps have new ways of obtaining blood.

Plot SummaryEdit

Cold OpenEdit

Rinaldi and John-John are in Woodland Hills, responding to a call of a zombie sighting at a nursing home. The nurse is unsure of where the zombie is when they hear an old woman scream. They rush over John-John beats down with his trusty metal bat an old man who had hold of the woman. To the horror of Rinaldi and John-John, the woman reveals that the old man John-John killed was her brother who was merely visiting. She was screaming because it was a natural expression of joy as she had not seen him in some time. Furthermore, he clearly does not display any sign of being a zombie. As the nurses take the angry and histerical woman away, John-John puts his hands over the camera.


Captain Dashell quickly recaps what happened at the nursing home, making it quite clear that John-John killed an old man. Though Rinaldi and John-John eventually got the zombie, an investigation is being launched into John-John's actions and he is therefore reprimanded to desk duty until further notice. After Dashell tells the rest of the squad to "get out there and kill something," Kirsten quickly requests if she can serve as Rinaldi's partner for the time being. Dashell initially says that its up to Rinaldi, who doesn't think it's a good idea, but Dashell immediately likens the idea and pairs them together.

Rinaldi and KirstenEdit

As they are patrolling Van Nuys, Kirsten trys to be friendly to a very unhappy Rinaldi. Kirsten ends up talking her way into making the situation less comfortable for Rinaldi by accidentally implying that she is old and then going on about relationships. Dispatch calls to report a 1-15 in progress, to which Rinaldi responds. When Kirsten asks what a 1-15 is, Rinaldi is about to explain that it is a zombie sighting in a heavily public area before saying that it is merely a zombie sighting. Kirsten is excited, though Rinaldi tells her to calm down.

They arrive at a clothing store that Rinaldi has shopped at. The store employee, who ends all of his sentences with a question mark, that the female zombie is in casual dresses. They spot a woman whose back is to them and call out to her. The woman turns out to be human, but is immediately attacked by the female zombie. The zombie chases the woman into the back with Kirsten following, but Rinaldi gets locked out. Kirsten engages in a fight with the zombie with Rinaldi seeing the tailend of as Kirsten bashes the zombie's head against the floor. An unimpressed Rinaldi appears to reprimand Kirsten before delivering a headshot to the zombie and leaves. Crestfallen, Kirsten informs the human woman that the coast is clear.

Stubeck and BillyEdit

With the recent vampire attacks on bloodmobiles, Stubeck and Billy follow one in Sherman Oaks to make sure it reaches the hospital safely. Stubeck and Billy then get into an arguement about who takes credit for the idea as Billy feels Stubeck is not complimenting him when he does suggest good ideas. Stubeck apologizes and then compliments him when Billy recognizes that the bloodmobile is not transporting blood to the hospital, but appears to be taking blood from the hospital. Billy pride is slightly bruised when his attempt to exit the car is hampered by his forgetting to unbuckle his seatbelt.

With sound guy Jamie behind, Stubeck and Billy are about the approach the bloodmobile when they are fired upon. The officers and Jamie quickly position themselves behind their car and Stubeck uses a megaphone demanding the vampires surrender the blood and their weapons. When the vampires refuse, Billy talks Stubeck into negotiating, which he does not like to do in general. Stubeck offers to let them keep the blood in exchange for the weapons, reasoning on camera that they would get the blood back using the weapons. The vampires announce that they have a nurse hostage, further complicating the situation.

Stubeck decides to wait out on the vampires. Jamie wants to know how long the tactic will taking, explaining that he needs to go to the bathroom. He admits he should have done so at the station, but had to make a phone call and did not want to record himself telling the person on the other line that he was holding his penis.

Fed up, Stubeck demands that the vampires throw them the keys to the bloodmobile. At Billy's suggestion, Stubeck reveals their location at the service entrance. The vampires instead get fed up and drive past them, throwing the male nurse they had hostage out. Stubeck calls in the situation, Billy checks on the nurse, and Jamie has nearly pissed himself to the point that the officers tell him to just go piss somewhere quickly.

John-John and DashellEdit

At the station, Dashell explains to John-John his ability to remain at his desk and not use the bathroom for thirty-six hours. John-John is going through his e-mail when he comes upon a video sent to him of zombie fights, where zombies are pitted against one another in fights to the death. The cameraman filming the officers explains his friend does some of the camera work for these fights. Dashell is at first appalled, but after the first arm is ripped off he, John-John, and other officers become fixated. After watching some more fights, the cameraman reveals that he got a text from his friend that a taping is taking place tonight. All of the officers are immediately interested.

The officers are still at the station, but now Dashell and John-John are betting against one another on specific fights they find online. In a match-up between "Zombie Hilfiger" against "Black Rudy," John-John picks Black Rudy while Dashell picks Zombie Hilfiger with the bet that the loser has to wear their balls outside their pants. Black Rudy wins and Dashell begins to unzip when John-John gets a better look at Black Rudy and realizes that he is his father.

Dashell and John-John are making their way to where the next zombie fight will supposedly take place. Dashell asks John-John if he is up for this. John-John then explains that he had not seen his father since he was twelve, kicking his ass out of the house for touching his mother's ass. Dashell's attempts to open up about his father ends up actually being him talking about being a nudist, which leaves John-John perplexed and disturbed.

Dashell and John-John arrive at the zombie fight location, wearing casual clothing to blend in. In watching one of the fights, between "Top Hat" and "The Crusher," Dashell notes that Crusher has been outfitted with a sledgehammer in place of its missing hand with Dashell adding that he was responsible for cutting the zombie's hand off in the first place. Dashell adds that they should keep their mouths closed as much as possible to avoid zombie blood being squirt into their mouths as Crusher wins.

The next fight is John-John's father Black Rudy against "Brutus." John-John tries to remain calm, but when his father is on the verge of losing he and Dashell intervine. John-John kills Brutus with a headshot while Dashell announces themselves as the UTF, immediately putting a stop to the fights and taking out all of the other zombies with headshots. With the exception of a couple cameramen who were originally taping the fights, the crowd leaves as ordered. John-John considered caving his father's head in with his metal bat, but Dashell, recognizing the emotional difficulty John-John is facing, tells him he'll handle it. As John-John walks away, Dashell shoots Black Rudy in the back of the head and reprimands the cameramen for sticking around.


All six officers make their way to the bar following their various ventures. John-John, who doesn't drink, does not wish to talk about what happened tonight, though that does not stop Dashell from making a failed attempt at comfort by ending up talking about how he likes to relieve stress. Billy reports to Stubeck that the bloodmobile was eventually found, but the vampires were long gone. Stubeck's over-complimenting of Billy gets on the latter's nerves, though the two come to an understanding that Stubeck does indeed value his partner's suggestions. Rinaldi reprimands Kirsten for engaging a zombie in hand-to-hand combat, thereby putting herself and the human female at risk, though Kirsten counters by calling the latter out for constantly giving her the cold shoulder no matter what she does in an attempt for them to be friends.

Dashell asks if any one is up for a game of pool with Billy the only one willing. Stubeck announces he needs to go home to his family. Kirsten also departs, having seemingly gotten at least some form of acceptance with Rinaldi. After Kirsten leaves, Rinaldi makes out with the female bartender. In the back, Stubeck is making his way to his car when he is jumped and beaten down by a pair of vampires.

A seemingly drunk Dashell drives John-John back to his place, trying to imply that John-John has a father figure in him. Instead, his incoherence only freaks out John-John as he leaves. Dashell then asks the camera crew if they're up for some skinny dipping, knowing where there is a pool in which the water is kept warm.

Songs FeaturedEdit

  • "What You Need" - Heavy Young Heathens
  • "Not Another Day" - Supraload
  • "Summer of 79" - Japanther
  • "No Light No Smoke" - The Freezing Fog