Two Girls, One Cop
Season 1, Episode 4
First Aired September 19, 2011
Director Drew Daywalt
Teleplay David Weinstein
Episode Guide
"Blood Vessels"
"Zombie Fights"

The UTF is called to a porn shoot when one of the actors goes werewolf on the cast and crew, and Kirsten is sent on werewolf lockdown.

Plot SummaryEdit

Cold OpenEdit

Two women and a man dressed in a policeman's uniform are engaging in a threesome. As the women begin to remove the man's shirt, they notice that hair is beginning to grow rapidly over his stomach. They turn to one side, revealing that the sexual act is part of a pornography shoot. The director insists that the actor is hairy until he sits up and reveals that he has transformed into a werewolf. Chaos ensues as the women and the pornography crew try to escape the werewolf with one of the girls seemingly scratched. The werewolf then attacks and destroys the still rolling camera.


Being the rookie, Kirsten is tasked with visitng all the residences in the Valley confirmed to house known werewolves. With tonight being a full night, the law is enforcing a mandated lockdown of all werewolves and Kirsten is responsible with ensuring that the residences are in compliance and that the lockdown rooms are sufficiently adequate. Her first stop is in Northridge, meeting the Hansen family consisting of the husband, wife, and their baby. The husband, Jeffrey, is in the early transformation stage upon Kirsten's visit and properly inspects his room before he is locked down for the night.

Kirsten then arrives in Mission Hills to visit the Trigger family. The wife claims her husband is already in his room, yet is attempting to talk Kirsten out of inspecting the room. When Kirsten threatens to enter the house by force, the wife confesses that her husband escaped forty minutes ago. While they are trying to figure out where he may have run off to, they hear a werewolf howl and Kirsten immediately takes off in the direction of the sound.

Kirsten manages to locate the rogue werewolf in an alley and chases after him. The camera crew following her has trouble keeping up. When they finally do catch up, the werewolf has Kirsten pinned down. She then displays her capability of defending herself and taking down the werewolf, knocking him around before finally putting him to sleep with a tranquilizer shot.

Kirsten tries to carry the unconscious werewolf out of the alley alone, but has difficulty due to his heaviness in dead weight. She asks if any one from the crew is willing to switch with her and sound guy Jamie volunteers.

Stubeck, Billy, Rinaldi, and John-JohnEdit

Stubeck and Billy arrive shortly after Rinaldi and John-John in Van Nuys in response to a werewolf sighting. Stubeck volunteers himself and Billy to search the perimeter while Rinaldi and John-John check the house. While this results in Rinaldi calling them "pussies" behind their backs, Billy finds out that Stubeck does not want to get stuck doing paper work all night since he wishes to attend the first parent-teacher conference for his youngest daughter Lucille. Billy questions that, since she's in kindergarten, if she's falling behind, but Stubeck responds that he actually wants to know how far ahead she is.

Inside the house, Rinaldi and John-John discover that it is used to shoot porno films in. After taking a minute to gloat to Billy over the radio, resulting in Billy being upset, they continue to investigate and find the cast and crew hiding in a safe room. The director informs them that the werewolf is an actor named Manny and that they are missing the make-up girl named Mara. After meeting the insert guy, who they mistaken as a police officer due to wearing the uniform of one, Rinaldi radios the information to Stubeck and Billy.

Outside, Billy is still upset that they are not inside the house. Stubeck voices his belief that women who appear in porno are likely the victims of child neglect or abuse growing up while Billy counters that perhaps they merely like porn. Stubeck is shocked to hear that Billy owns eight thousand porno movies, though he has not finished any of them as he can only get through the first scene before having to "flush the tissue." Stubeck is about to radio that there is nothing outside when a window crash is heard and a body thrown out onto the poolside. It is the dead body of Mara, which means Manny is still in the house.

Stubeck and Billy make their way into the house, with Billy finding time to prank Stubeck into believing a silver dildo is a microphone, before meeting up with the others. Billy immediately recognizes the actresses as Lexi and Tori. Stubeck is about to suggest rushing the cast and crew out of the house, but a crash makes it sound as though Manny is patroling the front door. Stubeck then suggests two of the officers go after Manny while the other two stay with the others, to which Billy and John-John immediately volunteer to Stubeck and Rinaldi's disgust.

While searching the house for Manny, Rinaldi wants to know how they found Mara. Stubeck replies that she was thrown out the window, but she was actually killed by being hacked to death. Rinaldi notes that she could not think of a worse way to go. Stubeck responds being eaten by a zombie and then reveals his fear of being buried alive before Rinaldi tells him that she was merely making small talk.

Meanwhile, Billy and John-John converse with the actresses. Billy gets to know Tori in particular, who flirts with him by saying that he could drop by during a shoot any time and suggesting that he would make a good porn actor. The officers are taken aback, though, when Lexi asks if Rinaldi is seeing any one. Just then, Manny attempts to burst through the wall and briefly has hold of the cameraman following the officers.

Billy manages to pull the cameraman away, giving the camera to the insert guy, before pulling Manny in and slamming him down. This provides John-John an opening to knock Manny out with a tranquilizer. Stubeck and Rinaldi immediately return as everyone calms down. Stubeck compliments Billy and John-John for their work and also compliments the insert guy for keeping the camera steady. He does wonder what exactly the insert guy does, with Rinaldi whispering the answer to him. A shocked Stubeck is in disbelief that such an occupation is a paying job.

Manny comes to and exhibits less of the werewolf virus, though still appears like one, as he is handcuffed and taken to one of the police cars. Stubeck pulls Tori aside and questions her out of curiosity what made her become a porn actress. He is shocked to hear that she had a good upbringing, was discovered while taking pre-med, and got into the business because it pays well. He then suspects her answers were a joke set up by her and Billy when she notes that her father never attended any of her parent-teacher conferences. Suddenly, she begins to convulse. As Stubeck tries to call out to the others, he turns back to find Tori already undergoing werewolf transformation.

Tori attacks Stubeck and pins him down. Feeling he has no other choice, he punches her in the face. When she immediately falls unconscious on top of him, he realizes that his punch landed at the exact same time that the tranquilizer dart Rinaldi fired tagged Tori. Stubeck states that he tries not to hurt women, but felt Tori had it coming because she was turning into a wolf.

After tossing Manny into the back of one of the cars, Billy and John-John interrogate him. They discover that he has always known he had the virus, though he has generally followed the law in not acting on the day of a full moon. However, Manny explains that he still needed money to keep supporting his pregnant wife and five-year-old, believing a doctor who suggested a particular diet at homeopathic medicine. Billy is upset to find that Tori had turned into a werewolf, making him and the other officers realize that they did not check the cast and crew for bites and scratches like they were supposed to. He tells a worried Tori having the virus will not affect her career, just that she can't perform on a full moon. Billy and Tori then have a hug, which Stubeck sees starts becoming rather sensual and coughs "lawsuit" to get them to stop. Billy then pulls Stubeck into a hug, during he tells Tori to run so that she won't be taken to the station. Stubeck reminds Billy that they have to chase after her any way, though Billy convinces Stubeck he can handle it alone so Stubeck can attend the parent-teacher conference.

Songs FeaturedEdit

  • "We Live Underground" - Lights On
  • "Breathe in Me" - Society 1 featuring Tina Guo
  • "Die Slow" - HEALTH
  • "Supergirl" - Bullet & Snowfox
  • "I Could Go to Hell for You" - Cobra Verde
  • "If You Won't Let Go" - The Black Hollies
  • "Bone Jam" - JEFF the Brotherhood